| Too sure of themselves, too eager to express their | | | | on a brother for pretty much no reason at all, just to |
| opinion (and dis yours), too unwilling to listen and be | | | | establish her dominance or control. And I have known |
| submissive? Are today's black women even capable | | | | many a good man who was being 'dogged' by his |
| of 'following' a strong black man? For all my single | | | | woman because he wouldn't stand up to her. But, |
| brothers out there who have asked me these | | | | sometimes no because most single black women are |
| questions many times - this article is for you. | | | | just waiting to meet a man strong enough to deal with |
| First, let's deal with the first question - Are single black | | | | them in the entirety of their character. A man who can |
| women too independent? My answer to this might | | | | admire her strength while adding his own. A man who |
| surprise you - I think, in many ways, black women are | | | | is not intimidated by a woman who has just as valid an |
| too independent, but with good reason. To understand | | | | opinion as his. And this single black woman can and will |
| this dichotomy, you have to understand something | | | | willingly listen to this man because he values and listens |
| about most single black women. Most single black | | | | to her. |
| women have a history of supporting themselves, | | | | But it has to be a relationship of equals. Equal respect, |
| holding down a job (or two), possibly raising children, | | | | equal power and equal say. Because black women |
| attending school, taking care of household bills | | | | are often so strong, it can often hinder the |
| (probably with a house of their own) and helping out | | | | development and growth of a good relationship. Just |
| with other family responsibilities involving parents, | | | | as no man wants someone to tell him how to live his |
| grandparents and siblings. | | | | life, neither do most women. Strength plus strength |
| In many cases they have handled these responsibilities | | | | should be a potent combination, but all too often the |
| without a strong or consistent male influence in their | | | | strength in women and the strength in men becomes |
| lives. Through miscommunication, death, neglect or | | | | a power struggle and then a wedge that drives them |
| abuse, many father-daughter, sister-brother, | | | | apart. |
| boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have gone astray, | | | | And, finally, are single black women even capable of |
| oftentimes leaving women to form a support network | | | | 'following' a good man? Of course - as long as their |
| among themselves in order to get things done, bring | | | | definitions of 'following' are the same. 'Following' does |
| order to their lives and accomplish those tasks that | | | | not mean 'blindly obeying in the absence of all common |
| were once upon a time more evenly split between the | | | | sense.' 'Following' means following your husband as the |
| two genders. | | | | church 'follows' Christ (Note I say 'husband' and not |
| This has caused an epidemic of sorts in the single | | | | 'boyfriends' - these same rights do not apply to |
| black community. Black women learned that in order to | | | | boyfriend-girlfriend relationships). True marriage |
| get things done, they had to rely upon themselves and | | | | between a man and and woman should reflect the |
| began to do so with increasing success. As a result of | | | | love that Christ has for the church. In the bible, a |
| this, black women learned that they didn't really 'need' | | | | woman is asked to respect and submit to her |
| black men the way they thought they did - for | | | | husband, but a husband is asked to lay down his life |
| companionship, for leadership or for money and | | | | for his wife. Most men and women, husbands and |
| support. They learned to work and earn money for | | | | wives, do not have that kind of relationship. Most |
| themselves, raise their children single-handedly, pay | | | | relationships are a reflection of 'what's in it for me?' |
| their bills, and get their own education, but these | | | | and when that runs dry, the relationship runs dry as |
| lessons came at a cost. And that cost was the | | | | well. A successful relationship can occur between a |
| sacrifice of a healthy relationship with their future | | | | single black man and a single black woman when true |
| spouses, boyfriends or lovers. So, yes, black women | | | | respect and love are founded in a committed |
| are sometimes too independent, but only because they | | | | relationship leading to marriage. |
| had to be. In order to survive, in order for their children | | | | So, are single black women too independent? |
| to survive and in order to make their lives work. | | | | Sometimes yes and sometimes no - but relationships |
| Are single black women then too sure of themselves, | | | | between men and black women can still work. With a |
| too eager to express their opinions, unwilling to listen or | | | | little compromise on both sides, a clear understanding |
| be submissive? Again the answer is - sometimes yes, | | | | of what a Godly, bible-based relationship is, and with a |
| sometimes no. Sometimes yes because single black | | | | love that lasts longer than who gets the last word, |
| women are usually pretty confident, pretty | | | | independence can become interdependence (being |
| self-assured and pretty sure of who they are - | | | | independent but dependent on one another and God) |
| especially once they've reached a certain age. And | | | | and the too-independent black woman will be no more! |
| sometimes yes because I have seen a sister 'go off' | | | | |